October 27, 2010

Weight... to lose is gain.

Doing a bit of thinking this last month regarding my weight.
Why is it so hard to lose weight for me?
Why do I have this "I don't care anymore" mentality?
I have watched all those weight loss shows and done what I could to work out only to fail and fall further down.
Just finished watching Ruby season 1 and I did ask myself... "What mentally is causing you to fail?"
My answer, I just don't care anymore, my goals are too high, I'll never be that small size again, and if I do will I become obsessed? Will I always have to work harder then others to lose weight!? I may not look it but I'm almost 200 lbs and it scares me that I will allow myself to slowly push passed that 200!! OK... I know to some that isn't a big deal, but health wise I know it's not good for me and I see those signs of things going wrong. The closer I get to 40 the harder it's going to get and this scares me.
I do need/want to lose 50/55 lbs that is my goal and that is what I feel I need to do. But the journey is going to be hard... extremely hard. I have time when the kids are in school that I can do my work outs and I need to do this! 
Also need to work on what I eat... I'm scared to write everything down that I eat during the day, because I already know that it's bad! And it isn't so much the portions it's the lack of substance really. 
Eating basically snack stuff is not a good way to fill your stomach during the day and my stomach isn't used to the good stuff anymore. The thought of eating salad and any veggies for that matter turns my stomach and I don't want it to be this way. 
Again this is going to be hard! It makes it even harder when no one else is on board with me... I mean really on board, but I know I can't depend on anyone else to lose my weight for me. It is my choice and I need to make the right one.
When my guy gets home I'm going to talk to him about maybe me getting into a gym program... It would cost about the same amount a month as what I've been spending on coffee and I know using that money for this will be so much better then making myself heavier with the drinks and junk food.

Well there you have it... I think a new journey is beginning for me... at least I hope so. I'm tired of this extra weight pulling me down. It's time to make some changes, it's time to get up and move. Getting older sucks but it doesn't have to... I want to enjoy every moment of it healthier then I am now.

1 comment:

Emily said...

Good luck! I'm in much the same place...I have a lot of weight that I need to lose -- I think I'm at my heaviest right now -- but I can't seem to find the motivation to actually change my habits for the better. But...It will be worth it. You can do it!

Also...A few years back, instead of writing everything I ate down I took photos of everything on my camera phone. It was so easy and it was a great visual of my portion sizes too.