July 20, 2016

Change is Good

So many changes.
So many new adventures and accomplishments.
Last year was the year of getting my health back.
Finally got myself to a doctor, whom I love! We started working on my thyroid, which was basically on the floor. Started working on my anxiety and severe depression with vitamin D3, omega oil and a "happy" blue light. She also made me start the whole 30, which I did two full months of. I still some what eat that way, but now I'm looking into the AIP Paleo because I found I can't eat the night shades.
My chronic pain issue was then worked on, my blood work showed I have hhv6 and it's in my bone marrow.
With my other changes and adding Coriolus-PSP and vitamin C, it went into remission! It's something I can't completely get rid of, but it's manageable now.
Everything was good.
This year though, due to craziness my anxiety started up again, February and March were really tough. And I started having really dark gloomy days even despite the beautiful sunshine. I knew I wasn't ok and that it wasn't something that would go away. 
I have been fighting this for almost 17 yrs on my own.
I was exhausted and realized I couldn't fake a smile anymore.
A friend spoke to me with raw honesty last week and I knew she was speaking truth out of love. Monday I had my doctor app to check up on my thyroid levels and my mood. The moment she walked in the room she knew I wasn't doing well, I've been really low these last few weeks or so, I couldn't hide it anymore, my eyes tell the truth.
In the beginning of all this 17 yrs ago I refused to tell anyone I was struggling, I was afraid the anti-depressants would be thrown at me, which at that time that's what doctor's did. I was afraid of basically becoming a brain dead zombie, I didn't want to lose my emotions. 
17 yrs later, I'm in a good place. I'm ok with not being ok. I'm willing to do what I need to do so that I can gain my life back and not miss out... I've missed out on so many yrs! My doctor said almost verbatim what my friend had said to me. Confirmation. So after doing all the other above for my health, I was ready and willing to make this leap. So Monday I started taking Citalopram (Celexa) and it's like night and day! I'm on half of a 10mcg pill for 7 days then will go to the whole if all goes well.
I don't regret the past 17 yrs and all I've endeared, it got me where I am today. There's no guilt. I know some who refuse to take these meds and don't understand why people need them. I can tell you now my severe depression and anxiety weren't something I could just get rid of, or even pray away. It's a miss wiring in my head that won't stop glitching. It's not because of my lack of faith or sin. It's just my insides not working properly.
I'm thankful for the people in my life that care deeply for me. I'm thankful that God loves me enough that He put these people in my life. He gave people the mind and knowledge to create a little pill to help others like me! And I have to say it's the best thing for me right now. Today I got up and walked 6.6 miles, from my home to my favorite coffee shop and back home again. I'm calm, my mind is clear, I feel really good... It's almost hard to explain. I enjoyed conversation with my teens, I'm laughing and singing... My real me is coming back. And I'm thankful, oh so thankful!!  

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