September 8, 2008

Struggle

This is probably really for Elinore and Emily to read...

I seriously have no patience when it comes to teaching my children something, be it new or old. I get so frustrated with them and have to stop everything because I can't get myself out of the rut. I'm ready to put them in school!! I just want to sit down and cry because my heart isn't in it as I had thought it would be before I even had children. I have both views fighting in my head, the good of homeschooling and the good of sending them to school. I also know the not so good views of both.

So I sit here in the middle of the fight going on inside my head and I feel beaten by both.

Is it guilt for feeling like I am giving up?

Is it fear of what they might have to deal with in school?

I have checked out the elementry school that they would attend for our area and I am really impressed by their High test scores. And have friends that send their children there and they say it is a wonderful school.

This is all just to stressful on me anymore.
I know I will probably get people telling me to do this and that...I have tried everything...I feel at my wits end today.It is definately Monday...and I am seriously pmsing... : (

4 comments:

Elinor Dashwood said...

I left a comment on your other blog since I saw the post there first. I feel so bad for the stresses you're feeling right now. It totally could be PMS, but there also could be more to it. Are you getting support from ANYONE? Friends, family, a support group?? Maybe that's where you should turn first. If you want, pop me an email and either send me your phone number, or I'll email you mine and we can chat. I feel so bad and would love to be there for you. Don't give up until you've thought it through completely!!! = )

Big hugs my friend,
Elinor

Emily said...

I have to tell you that you're not alone. It's been several years since I've wanted to quit...(I have to be honest) BUT..my children are much older than yours.

I was constantly looking at other kids and wondering how my OWN kids compared. it was an ugly time.

I homeschool for lots of reasons, but family is the final reason. For ME...it's that I want my kids to love each other and have a bond that's deeper than usual. A bond that's like the families of old, where the sons worked on the farm w/ dad and they all had an unspoken strength and commitment to each other. I love that.

I want my girls to be friends first with each other, second with others. That sounds radical, but really, it's not.

I also homeschool because I want to be involved. I want to be involved in their learning, but also in those teaching moments that pass. I don't want to miss them.

I homeschool because I want to choose when and how my kids learn certain things. For instance, I didn't teach about racism when my children were small, like the books said I should, I instead taught them GODS LAW, which is written on their hearts, that all people are the same. It was a subtle difference, but Gods Word is what pierces hearts, not forcing an MLK worksheet....forcing kids to notice his skin. I instead introduced MLK as a pastor first...civil rights leader second.

So, maybe you should get a yellow memo pad and write down exactly why you homeschool. Those were just the ones off the top of my head, but maybe just writing them out, or blogging them? that would help you have clarity.

Don't judge yourself on one bad day. Or even 1 bad week. Extend yourself some grace. :)

Do you read Chickadee's blog? She had a day that made her want to quit today too. :)

Sleepless Stitch said...

Thank you so much Elinor and Emily!
I know it is the menstral migraine that is causing me such problems. My kids don't understand what I am going through so it is just hard.

The Lord always ends up showing me once again why I wanted to homeschool in the first place.

Just need to get my head out of the pms smog it's in.

Thank you again, it truely means a lot to me...I consider both of you a friend. :)

Oh, I do have family and friends here but don't always feel I have the support or that they understand what I myself am going through. This is when I wish I lived next door to my mom...she is such a help to me in bringing me back down to earth. :)
I could keep talking but I need to head out the door.
I will write again tomorrow.
Thanks again!!!

Kristen said...

I found your blog through Elinor. I don't homeschool for various reasons, but I can understand why one does. I live in Morocco and have the kids at an international school. Let's just say all of us have doubts even if we choose a certain education for our children and wonder should we do something else. And your friends' advice of writing down why you homeschool and its benefits is good. The other side of that is, do you feel joy and peace.(generally, not during PMS:)
That has helped me with my doubts.
(I think deep down us mothers are worriers no matter what we do. husbands are you usually good at putting things in perspective)